An Open Apology

An Open Apology (because I don't know what else to do):

I was one of them.

I wore the confederate flag. 

The stars and bars.

It was heritage, not hate, we said. 

I argued for the right to display it. I used the argument that slavery wasn't the main thing they fought for. 

I wasn't trying to offend, but I certainly didn't care if it did.

Late in my teenage years, I began to see that it was crap. I have been redeemed by Christ. Part of that redemption has been Christ showing me the beauty of all of his children, and that that is what we all are: Children of God. 

I am redeemed, but the events in Charleston have stirred something deep inside me. As I've wrestled in my mind, it's become clear to me that it is because I have never taken responsibility for my wrongdoings and apologized. 

So, I'm sorry. Sorry I bought into the lie. Sorry I bought into the prejudices. Sorry for an attitude of white privilege. Sorry for not taking the time to get to know anyone who had a different skin color than me. Sorry for not seeing the value of all people. Sorry for making excuses for my prejudices. 

From the bottom of my heart, I am truly sorry. 

What do you do with a bipolar kid?

That's the question that I was asked tonight. And I can't get it out of my mind. 

I work for a nonprofit health center. Part of my job is to go out into the community and make people aware of the services that we offer. It's one of my favorite aspects of that job. I get to meet a lot of people from our neighborhood and generally get to have some pretty cool conversations. 

Today I was at an open house for one of our elementary schools. A family came up to our display and I struck up a conversation. The crew consisted of two a few adult females, a teenage girl and a few younger kids. I told them about our health center and some of the services we offer. When I mentioned that we offer behavioral health services, one of the adults quickly pointed out that she (the teenage girl who was standing with her) goes to a shrink. I felt a little uncomfortable about the way she talked about the teenager at that moment, but I just kind of went on with the conversation. 

The crew walked away, but came back after just a few minutes. They wanted to grab a flyer with our information and, of course, grab another 8 or so water bottles that I was giving away. But as they approached the table, I was asked the question. One of the younger girls, maybe ten or so, looked at me and said "what do you do with a bipolar kid?" The entire group was there, including the teenage girl; the subject of this question. I was flabbergasted that they were talking like this about the girl with her right there. How humiliating for her. My heart broke for her as she was being belittled right in front of me. It was almost as if her struggles were a scarlet letter. 

I fumbled over my words to come up with an answer and something came out of my mouth along the lines of "I'm not a medical professional, blah blah blah."

Then, God kicked me in the nuts.

And when God kicks you in the nuts, you notice.

I quickly changed my answer to simply say "you love them. Just like any other kid, you love them."

She heard me, and I don't really know what she did when I said it, or if she even thought twice about it. But I've thought more than twice about over the last couple of hours. And it's challenged me. What do you (I) do with...

... A bipolar kid

... The kid in youth group who knows how to push all my buttons

... The homeless guy who is always asking for money, and doesn't spend the money on something necessary 

... The girls I drive by on the streets every day on my way to work who have a scarlet letter of their own

You love them. Because that's what Jesus did to me. 

Overwhelmed...

... that's how I felt after church today.

Last night, a daughter of a lady at our church died. 23 years old. Overdose.

My heart breaks for the life that was ended so shortly.

My heart breaks for the mother that has to bury her daughter.

My heart breaks for the teens in our church and neighborhood who could follow in the footsteps, and that would probably normal.

And that's where the overwhelmedness comes from. Realizing the task that God has set before me. Satan has a pretty strong hold.

                                                                              ... trusting that God's grip is stronger.

When peace like a river...

So I am sitting here at work (yay 3rd shift) and I thought maybe I should blog since I have not since Valentines Day. Word to the wise: If it is Valentines Day and you wish to blog, blog about your significant other and not about sports. It is not a good idea! HAHA. So anyway, I thought about what I should blog about tonight, and the only thing I could think of was peace. Not peace in terms of world peace; that "fictitious" peace that we all say we would wish for if we were granted three wishes. I mean peace of mind, the peace that really only God can give. For some reason, as I was thinking about what to write about, I realized that I feel almost completely at peace about where I am in my life.

You know that phrase "a peace that passes all understanding?" I kinda get that right now. As I realized that I am at peace, I also realized that I have no idea why I am at peace. I don't have everything all figured out in my life, shoot, I am FAR away from that. I don't particularly care for my job, I have no idea where my life is headed, my finances are "iffy" at best. When I step back and look at it, it seems as though nothing about my life should be at peace.

But for some reason, I do have a peaceful feeling. There are some things that I can see why I am at peace. I have the most beautiful person, indside and out, that I am going to spend the rest of my life with. That is definitely something to be at peace about, because God knows that trying to find that person can be so far from peaceful! I also know that God is gonna work things out, and if anything is going to give me peace, it is that knowledge!

As I am thinking about this, it is kind of hitting me that this is how the God-human relationship is. It is a constant realization that, from an outside perspective, our lives should be screwed up. They should be a mess, with no direction and no purpose. With all the shortcomings of humans and all of the things that we are clueless about, being righteous - right with God - should seem quite impossible. But God, the same God that can give peace that passes understanding, can make humanity right, no matter how jacked up it looks from an outside perspective. He can make it holy. It is a consecration that passes all understanding. And does it ever pass all understanding! Go ahead, try to understand it. I bet your head will start to hurt!

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened (not those who have it all together) and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28, emphasis and note mine.

That seems to sum up the incredible story of a loving God.

Peace be with you...

Redlegs

Well I am sitting here at work and don't have anything else to do, so I will blog. I wish it was something super intellectual and inspirational, but, alas it is not. This blog is about what has been on my mind for the past couple of days. That is BASEBALL (specifically the Reds). Spring training starts this weekend and I am pumped!! So, without further ado, here are my thoughts on the Reds for this upcoming season.

Honestly, I am really excited about this years team. I am always excited for the start of a new season. (Being a Reds fan, that is the only part of the season that there was something to be excited about... Oh to have been alive during the Big Red Machine era!) However, this season, I am a little more excited, and I think I can have a little more hope in the Reds. I have heard some critics say that the Reds have done nothing to improve their team during this offseason, mainly because of the lack of signing a righty power hitter to man to vacant spot left by Adam Dunn. I think that is bogus. I am an Adam Dunn fan. His production was very good. Even though he was one of the most frustrating players to watch, I still liked him. That being said, I think the Reds are better off without him.

As far as replacing his production goes; there are other ways to win in baseball than smacking the long-ball. In the past several years, the Reds have been a homerun team. Being in a small park like GABP, that was not tough to do. However, in case you have not noticed, that did not help the Reds be a winning team!! As I said, there are other ways to win in baseball. It is called small-ball, and, in my opinion, it is a lot more fun to watch. Speed, defense, and pitching will win ballgames.

With that in mind, I think that the Reds have a lot of potential. One big area which I feel the Reds have improved this off season is in the center field and leadoff position. I think that the addition of Willy Taveras will prove to be very beneficial. The Reds have lacked a solid leadoff man for some time. Perhaps you will remember Cory Patterson... I rest my case. Some people say that Taveras' production fell of last year and he is washed up. Come on, everyone has a below average year. And for a guy whose production fell off, I don't think 68 stolen bases is too bad! His speed will definitely help win ballgames!

Another area that makes me feel good about the Reds is the abundance of young, passionate players. Guys like Jay Bruce, Joey Votto, Edinson Volquez, Johnny Cueto, and Chris Dickerson are there because of the love of the game. They are excited to be there and want to win! Take Bruce, for example. He showed up to spring training on Friday; a day before pitchers and catchers were to report and four days before position players had to be there. He couldn't wait to start playing baseball and doing what he had to do to contribute to a winning team! This guy will be a leader for this team and that leadership will produce very good things.

Finally, I am excited about the Reds pitching staff. This has also been an area that the Reds have struggled in recently. I think the struggles may be over. They have four very solid, if not exceptional starting pitchers. It starts with Harang. Sure, he had a rough season last year, thanks partly to a major lack of run support, but I would put money on it that he will not have another season like that. He is a good pitcher and will win ballgames for this team. Next is Volquez. After an incredible season last year, I think he will only build on that and be even better. Again, he is one of those young guys who has the itch to win. Then you have Arroyo. Granted, this guy frustrates me sometimes, but he is still a quality pitcher and will contribute a lot to this team. If only we could get him to stop singing stupid JTM commercials and focus on pitching :) Finally, there is Cueto. I think this kid has a lot of potential and will improve greatly this season. Last season had several ups and downs, including an incredible debut. There were also some struggles, but that could be expected for a rookie. I think he will only get better with time and is definitely a good 4th starter.

So, like I said, there is a lot to be excited about and I am ready to see what happens. Do I think the Reds will win the NL Central? Well, probably not. I would say more like second place, behind the Cubs. But I honestly believe that they will have a winning season, which is a big step from previous years. A little less than 2 months until opening day, and then we will see how it all turns out. Until then, I look forward to hearing Marty Brennamen saying "And this one belongs to the Reds!" at least 82 times :)

Do not cast me from your presence...

So here I am again at 2 in the morning because I cannot sleep. I honestly haven't really tried to sleep yet, though, because my mind has been racing, and my heart seems heavy. Or maybe my heart seems light, because I feel a little bit empty. It didn't take me long to figure out why I am feeling so empty. It's because lately I haven't fully experienced the presence of God. I realize that I have been failing my God, and its such a crappy realization. I can't think of anything worse than the feeling of letting down the Almighty, my creator, the one who loves me no matter what I do...

So as I was coming to this realization, all I wanted was some sort of assurance that I could be forgiven, that I hadn't failed God one too many times. I thought of David's prayer of repentance for his sequence of sins, in Psalms. Psalm 51 is such a humbling prayer to pray when you come to that realization that you ultimately screwed up.

As I was reading and praying that prayer, verses 10-12 really hit me. They say, "Create in me a pure heart, oh God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence, or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me." It's funny, because as I read the part about not casting me from God's presence, I almost felt as though I had already been cast from his presence. Then I hit me that I was blaming the feeling of being distant from God that I have had on God. How crazy is that? I don't think that's very accurate. From what I have studied in scripture, God is unchanging, he is the constant in our relationship. He isn't going anywhere. I am the one who changes. I am the one who walks away from God. Thank God that when I did finally realize this, God was still there, waiting to pick me back up where we left off.

Then I read the part that says, "Restore to me the JOY of your salvation..." Wow, I think I can say that it really has been a while since I have been joyful about my salvation. I mean, I am generally a happy guy. I thoroughly enjoy life. But to actually reflect on, and have joy because I am saved... I haven't done that in a while.

When I think about it though, there really is so much to be joyful about. I serve a God that is alive. Even when I screw up I can count on him to still be there waiting for me. God doesn't need me, but he has allowed me to be a part of his Kingdom work (something that brings me a little more joy than everything else.) I mean seriously, it is not really that hard to be joyful about salvation, I guess I have just been overlooking them.

So I will reach out and take the hand of the never-changing, never-leaving God and he will pull back to his side and I will keep on keepin' on. And I will pray that God will continually show me all that there is to be joyful about.

I get knocked down, but I get up again.
Your never gonna keep me down!

(Perhaps not as insightful as past posts, but its my blog, I do what I want, now get outta here and enJOY the JOY that is Christ!)

A Neat-O Day

So I have been following the Inauguration Events pretty much all day, so I thought I would share a few thoughts about it.

First, no matter what political/religious/social/whatever other dumb label you want put on it, views that you hold, you have to admit that this day is nothing short of an incredible day in American History. Given other cultures in the world, it as an accomplishment in and of itself anytime that there is a peaceful transfer of power. This is the 44th time American has achieved that goal! To see someone other than a white male rise to lead the greatest nation on earth is an even greater accomplishment considering the context of racism and segregation of the nation. Alas, this is beating a dead horse as everyone already knows this, so I will not continue.

SIDE NOTE- As I am writing this, I am also watching the Inaugural Parade and there is a tumbling team marching and doing flips and what not. I just witnessed one of them break an ankle! It took the camera crew a minute to realize he was injured and cut away. HAHAHA (Had to throw that side note in because it made me laugh).

OK, back to the important stuff. I would also like to mention briefly the overall excitement that is evident on this day. It has been quite sometime since I have seen excitement like this from such a huge group of Americans! From the time the broadcast of the events has started, it has been nothing but shouts and cheers of excitement and a new found hope. (Whether it is a legitimate hope or a false hope remains to be seen). I think that President Obama's speach also seemed to be full of excitement. I don't know about you, but it seemed to give Americans a reason to be excited to be an American again. Something that, perhaps, has not been so evident in quite some time. Again, whether or not this excitement comes to fruition or not will only be known down the LONG road. I have my opinions about it and you have yours, and thats just peachy. Regardless, I think he gave us something to be excited about for now, and we should be grateful for that!

Anyway, I think I could go on for quite a while about things like the ridiculous job by the media of covering todays events (although I just discovered C-Span, and they are not talking over the events!!) or other things, but I will spare you!

God Bless you, Barack Obama! (Not a political statement... just well wishes... or is it??)